Emotions are the language of relationships, and when someone we love dies, as well as the physical shock, we often find that we’re in emotional shock. It seems like we’re on a roller coaster veering from unbearable pain to an almost unreal dream. But as the days pass after the funeral, the frightful and painful reality of what has happened will start to settle in. Normal feelings at this time are of loneliness, panic, fear, confusion and anger. Often people feel these in uncontrollable waves, others just feel numb. Whatever way you react, remember that it is natural, and that you need to find a way of being tender towards yourself- giving yourself the care and attention you would give to others in that situation. Crying is a normal and healthy expression of grief, and releases built-up tension for everyone. Cry freely as you feel the need. You may experience emotions that seem overwhelming, strange or irrational- this is completely normal. You may experience a deep yearning to be with your loved one, followed by feelings of despair. You may feel you have nothing to live for and may think about a release from this intense pain. Be assured that many feel this way, but that a sense of purpose and meaning does return. The pain does subside with time, and these intense emotions will not last forever. Many people find talking with their Doctor, Clergy or spiritual advisor very helpful at this time.
Many people feel guilty after a bereavement, even though rationally they have no reason to. This is often a reaction to the powerlessness felt when someone we love dies. Guilt, real or imagined, is a normal part of grief. It surfaces in thoughts and feelings of “If only…” and as time passes will begin to subside. “Guilt” is sometimes a word we use for feelings that are better described as “regret” – wishing things could have been different, but accepting the fact that they were not. Understanding this can allow us to begin to forgive ourselves- or others, and to accept our helplessness in the face of death. Anger is another common reaction to loss. Like guilt, it needs expression and sharing in a healthy and open way. These can be very frightening emotions, but talking about them is an important part of grieving.